i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
People in love make me want to vomit
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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