i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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