If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
