just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
