i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The power of my boobs compel you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
