last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
