I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
