I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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