does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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