I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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