So drunk its hurt
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
