So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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