She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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