I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
