I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
