Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
