Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can I color on your dick again?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
