you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
