I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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