Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
