It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
