I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
