check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
