Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
