I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
