i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
