I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
