i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
