Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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