I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
