I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
