so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
