is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
