the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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