Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
