I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
