A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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