Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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