Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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