his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
