I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His hands were made for my vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
