are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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