Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
