Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
