The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Success! We fucked roommates!
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