With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
