thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
