can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
