you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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