Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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