I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
