I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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