I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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