GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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