I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hippo gnu deer
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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