Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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