Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
