wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
