So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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