Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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