I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
