Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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