I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
