no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize