My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
