she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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