you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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