I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
