I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize