Don't make out with my wife yet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
