At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
