afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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