i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
