The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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