Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
